I have been remembering, occasionally, since my psychiatrist added a medication to what I had been taking for months before, which combination is ameliorating my dysthymia, chronic or persistent depression, the poem Invictus, well, just the last two verses, and decided, this morning, 2018-9-23, to memorize it, and recite it at times. I might even use it as an answer, occasionally, to “how are you?”. 😉
Here, I will chronicle not only my progress in memorizing it, but applying it to my life, to my experience.
2018-9-23 10:03 PDT
Invictus, by William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.
My soul, the combination of various processes in my brain, my identity, my intellect, my will, has not always been unconquerable, since I succumbed so often to the demotivating effects of persistent depression. However, my medication combination is turning my world around, so that I can better see the light of hope.
While I am a weak agnostic, strong atheist, materialist/naturalist monist, nihilist Humanist, I understand the personalizing that we do of our ideals, and so think that we each have a “god” in our minds. So, I can extend this to the ideals that those who have cared for me had for me, so that I now have a (mostly) unconquerable soul.
2018-9-24 11:20 PDT
In my recital, just now, I misremembered “fell clutch” as “foul grasp”. Well, at least I have the concepts down:
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
2018-9-25 21:55 PDT
Similarly to yesterday, when I tried to recite the next line, I mixed in “whined” instead of “winced”.
I have not winced, nor cried aloud,
I arrogate to myself to correct the grammar, replacing the ‘or’ with ‘nor’… [fact-checking myself] no, I am correcting the grammar of the transcription of it onto the Wikipedia page, which I shall also correct, now. … no! Wikipedia has it right! I copied it wrongly a few days ago! Whoops!
2018-10-1 8:30 PDT
I’ve been remiss in not logging my progress, but I’ve worked daily on reciting, checking, and improving my accuracy. I only spend a little time each day on it, but I have added goals involving the recitation of Invictus to my log/planner, in addition to having conceived a PR campaign for UUs based on the last two verses.
To catch up, I not only have the second stanza down pat, but only missed one word in my morning recitation of the third, an ‘And’ before the ‘yet’. Before yesterday morning, or maybe the morning before, I had been misremembering ‘cried’ as ‘called’, in the first verse, second stanza. The same with ‘not’ as ‘neither’, in the second, before this morning, as well as ‘bloodied’ for ‘bloody’.
In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced, nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
my head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
looms but the horror of the shade.
And, yet, the menace of the years
finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
I notice that the author seems to attribute all occasions to wince or cry aloud to external forces, and not to any bad decisions he may have made. Those are the only things I regret, for which I have winced and cried, though some of the effects of those bad decisions were good, and precious to me. I can count at least seven of those outcomes.
It seems to me that what he casts as the antagonist, in the third stanza, not death, but the the fear and horror of it, because it has seemed to be unknown. I also fear it not, because I believe I know what death is, and, personally, what happens afterward: nothing.
While the ramifications of the death of someone may cascade through those still living, death is the cessation of what each of us values most -OK: most of us- our souls, our identities, our emotions and thoughts. While we may justified in fearing death, for the joy of living, it is not death, per se, we should fear, but the loss of enjoying life, and that can happen well before death.
2018-10-3
This morning, I reviewed, and successfully, though immediately, recited from memory, looking away from the screen, the whole poem.
I think I’ll offer a dramatic recitation, with discussion to follow, soon.
2018-10-4
Last evening, I wrote the poem out from memory, and had two errors, ‘neither’, instead of ‘not’, in the second verse, second stanza, and missing the ‘and’ before the ‘yet’, in the third stanza. This afternoon, I recited it, making sure to avoid those errors.
My next poem to memorize is Moon Whispers, by Line Gauthier, found on Poetry Soup. I found this when searching on the name I conceived for my online news, “Moon Whispers”. I am searching, now, for a contact to the poet, so I can get permission to quote her poem.
2018-10-13
I recited from memory, early in the day; now, I type it to audit/test myself.
Out of the night that covers me,
black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
for my unconquerable soul.In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced, nor cried aloud;
Under the bludgeonings of chance,
my head is bloody, but unbowed.Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
looms but the horror of the shade,
and, yet, the menace of the years
finds, and shall find, me unafraid.It matters not how strait the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.
I have one error: ‘which’ instead of ‘that’, first verse, first stanza. [Corrected]
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